Our Hummelstown basketball “Three Point God” has been put on trial for murder of Evan Porter’s hairline with a 1911 45mm vintage handgun. His “Racially stereotyped Friend” Daiwik Sign says that he got the idea from watching the Netflix hit “Squid Game”. Evan’s curly fry yee yee ass hairline took 3 shots, until it receded. Tyler’s Dad, Dick Newman, refuses to go to court and see the trial, “He was a good man, until he wasn’t.” he says. Its looking like luck isn’t on his side, and neither is is family, they say that bad hairlines aren’t a joke, and grand should stop making fun of them. That’s the daily news for today folks!