April 5th, 2022. 11:30 P.M EST
Reporter: Robert Gill: Washington, United States
Congressman Billy Long (R- MO 7th) has announced he not only is resigning from Congress but dropping out of his bid in the Missouri Senate Race. Not only is Long abruptly ending his political career he’s starting a military career in Ukraine. Long announced his new situation to television cameras at 11:30 EST in front of his office in Washington. Long explained why he changed tactics and what exactly he’s doing in Ukraine.
“Well today the President of Ukraine… Prez Z as I him, called me up. He said ‘Billy you’re a true American hero we need men like you here in Ukraine.’ We talked for awhile and finally I decided that I could better help the world and people of Missouri by going to Ukraine and fighting the good fight. Prez Z has promised me a tank battalion and I’ll take that battalion and drive it all the way to Moscow! Putin is a bad man. If I return from Ukraine I may return to politics. But right now Ukraine needs Billy Long!”
The Congressman then refused to answer any questions and he threw on a green G.I helmet and started jogging to the door while singing “The Battle Cry of Freedom”. Ukrainian officials in Kiev did comment that the Congressman Billy Long was convinced to come fight for Ukraine by President Zelenskyy earlier today and that Zelenskyy was very excited and proud to have Congressman Long in Ukraine’s camp.
Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy was asked if he and the Republican Caucus was sad at losing Long unexpectedly, McCarthy responded by saying “We are sad to lose Billy Long but he’ll return to politics when he feels like it. In the meantime Vladimir Putin won’t know what hit him when he sees Billy driving a tank through Red Square.”