Local Bike Seat Sniffer Under investigation

Lara Marie Marshall of Fallings Park, Wolverhampton has been seen on numerous occasions man handling bicycle seats and breathing in the scent. One witness claims she once had a bike on either side and kept changing which one she sniffed, CCTV evidence hints that Marshall only seems to target bicycles owned by men aged 40+ who are all bald, obese and have hygiene problems. Policing teams around the West Midlands are working together to locate this criminal and give bike seats around the world the justice they deserve. Katie Foxx of CPS says this crime should be punishable by death, even Boris Johnson has ruled out any chance of rehabilitating this individual into society and has warned the public not to approach Marshall as she may not just sniff bike seats. Annabal Bagdhi, senior reporter Channel 33 news

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