At approximately 9:10 pm Wednesday night on 7/27/2022, local hero/entrepreneur Ryan A Bey was wandering around his yard late at night, when he stumbled upon what appeared to be a cool stick. But upon closer inspection it turned out to be a really cool stick. When asked about his experience, Ryan Bey was nowhere to be found, but he did have this to say: “I found a cool stick in our yard”. Wow, profound.
However, when this local boy alerted his roommate groupchat, no one said anything. After waiting about 5 seconds Ryan Bey sprang into action and went to the link to create fake news stories
“It seemed like the right thing to do” Bey said in a later statement after he had been recovered by the authorities, “I wouldn’t want anyone else to take credit for finding a cool stick”
Matt Fiore, one of Bey’s “roommates” as the kids call it nowadays, sent a minion emoji. Heartwarming.
We asked Mr. Bey what he would do now that he had found such a cool stick. However, he went missing for a second time. We were unable to get a statement from him or his loved ones. Particularly because he has no loved ones.
If anyone has any information about the whereabouts (I like that word) of Ryan “The Penis” Bey, please contact the Siberian authorities, there is a price on his head
Now Nate is home so im done