Parzych Becomes Time!

Multiple calls came in last night after Mateo Parzych, 24, was seen saying “Time!” over and over again on the streets of Boston. Reports say Parzych downed 6 Michelob Ultra’s leading up to the incident. Representatives of Parzych have yet to make a statement regarding their client. Parzych was on the run for 4 days and was found behind the Lincoln bar looking for more Michelob Ultras. The streets of Boston have reportedly quieted down since his arrest, and it is reported that the number of people saying Time has decreased immensely. Parzych has been sentenced to 15 years in maximum security in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

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