In the aftermath of the recent prison riot in Alabama, President Joe Biden announced that he would grant hash to all inmates if they promised to hold their tongues about the prisons conditions.
Announcing the decision during a trip to Alabama, Biden declared, “At present, most americans already have the ‘devils lettuce’ in their possession. Why not offer that option to inmates?” He then went on to state the 6th amendment, claiming that it “supports his statement without a doubt”.
Calling the decision to pardon the marijuana users “one of the easiest [he’s] ever made,” Biden said, “What’s worse, lighting up a spliff or stealing the nuclear codes? Come on, man.”
Just minutes after Biden’s announcement, the former Trump attorney Rudolph Giuliani held a press conference at the Four Seasons Head Shop in Bethesda, Maryland.
“I am holding in my hand a sworn affidavit from Donald J. Trump, indicating that, throughout the entire time he was President, he was high,” Giuliani claimed.