Urine Residue Found in Ramen Packaging

We’ve all heard of Ramen, the average college student’s lifeline, but recent complaints from new-time buyers of the product have found that it tastes strangely like urine. “I ate ramen day in day out, hearing all these weird jokes about it suddenly tasting like pee was weird as hell” comments Harvard graduate Mikael Trontiski, a once avid fan of ramen. The wave of disapproving commentary about the well-accepted instant meal left two researchers questioning: Where did these accusations come from? Michael Trevino and Jeffrey Star set out to answer this question with their own investigation. The first step? A taste test. The two adventurers set out to purchase an overpriced $1.50 cup at their local college general goods store, grabbing a table far from normal customers to avoid suspicion. The meal smelled putrid, the rancid smell of piss left in the toilet overnight abused their nostrils. “For science” Jeffrey bore into Michael’s eyes, “for us.” Wordlessly, Michael accepted his responsibility, taking the first sip unto the rather large bowl. Almost instantly, Michael’s head was blown to pieces; Jeffrey watched as his partner in crime, his jack-buddy’s life ended the second his tongue made contact with the cursed noodle. No actual conclusion was reached, but rather than paying attention to the rather large bomb on his beloved’s head that clearly caused his death, Jeffrey tearlessly blew a kiss to the sky, knowing he had to let the rest of the world know just how deadly this soup could be. The news spread immediately: “Piss bags used in local ramen shops to brainwash the liberals.” Nobody knows whose piss it was, but it was solidified and inserted slowly throughout the years, concentrations rising until they used piss and piss only to coat the ramen. “I hope Mikey’s message is passed along..no one deserves to die like he did…may he rest in peace, and continue to eat it up”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *