In light of recent controversy revolving around the Julia Lore at Cedar Point, Biden decided to launch the first nuke since Hiroshima and Nagasaki. No warning was sent ahead of time to the US or Ecuadorian military. Sources say this attack was personal. Not to Biden himself, but to Aidan Blinn, “professional GTA Heister.” In an interview with Biden from earlier this morning, channel 33 news asked “why launch the nuke without any fore warning?” All Biden had to say was “I’m not that easy,” and he got up and walked out. There is currently a siege on Aidan Blinns college apartment. Authorities with the Cazincstanian military are in support of Blinn, stating “Aidan was played like a damn fiddle! No wonder he ordered Biden to nuke Ecuador! We’ve studied the Cedar Point and Julia lore! If she would have communicated we wouldn’t be in this situation, you [REDACTED] mother [REDACTED] [REDACTED]…!” Associates of CAZ inc and Scott’s Tots are communicating with Blinn through Xbox Party Chat. Aidan continues screaming “JULIAAAAAAAA!” In the background they could hear Julia and Julia dream playing over each other. It was earrape. Now, Blinn supporters have coined the slur, “foolia.”