On January 7th around 12:45pm Florida resident Horacio St. Pistachio was gunned down by police after robbing a bank in Polk County.
Who’s Horacio St. Pistachio? He’s a member of the Philadelphia Pistachios, a wealthy family who owns the Philadelphia cream cheese factory. The family made headlines last year when Bruno Pistachio, Horacio’s father, was caught cheating on his wife of 35 years with a prostitute. The prostitute’s body was later found in a vat of cream cheese. Bruno claimed to be innocent and the case is still on going.
Horacio moved to Lake Wales, FL soon after the incident and lived with his cousin, B-Movie Madness founder Jonathon Knight, until his death.
“Horacio was good people. He was out getting me a gift card so I could give it to some chick on facebook with a fat, juicy gash. I had no idea he was robbing a bank” Jonathon told our reporter.
But is Horacio actually…..dead? Jonathon Knight doesn’t think so.
“Oh he’s alive. He paid off one of the cops and is hiding out in Mexico with Spanish teacher and Chimichanga enthusiast Juan Caballero. I know it. It has to be true” Jonathon told our reporter while eating a bag of Crunch Tators.
We tried to contact Mr. Caballero but his only response was a blunt and simple “Puta”
For now it seems Horacio St. Pistachio is deceased and his family is holding a funeral for him at the Philadelphia cream cheese headquarters in Lowville, New York on January 14th @ 2pm est.
If you have any tips and information on Horacio St. Pistachio message us @ moviegeek86@gmail.com