Juliana, also known as Juka, is a very powerful woman in this world and is very very beloved worldwide. Her unique art, as well as her influence in human rights projects in Albania, make her a role model for many. Despite this, she was always attempting not to answer questions regarding her past, which caused some confusion, but she is now ready to speak.
Having struggled with her health since she was 17, she opens up about how it worsened when she turned 19. When it comes to these themes, she gets very emotional, saying that “sometimes even professionals will think you are crazy and you will endure the pain in silence and fear”. “I lost a friend group at 17 because of a misunderstanding that belonged to someone else. That really damaged me and I didn’t know it would impact me so deeply. When I started crying, I felt like I was suddenly all alone because I always spread love when I’m friends with someone, so it’s hard for my brain to be put down. Unfairness bothers me” During this time, she developed anxiety. Because she already had family and financial issues, she was constantly changing her plans in order to escape the problem. Adding to what she said, she stated, ” first there was a chronic cough for a year and then my dad had a brain surgery and my body became so triggered that I started feeling other symptoms, fear and pain filled my spirit.”
In her statement, she said her situation became so bad that she could not go out as much as she wanted and had to completely isolate herself. As a result, she lost friends and hobbies, leading to agoraphobia, “I couldn’t go out as much as I wanted; I felt lightheaded as I was getting ready, but again, no one took my health seriously, and eventually I began doubting my own sensations; I started thinking that I might be crazy.” Since she has dealt with hardships in her life that are not small, it was not easy for her. “I already had problems, and anxiety, so having my health limiting my life was like a curse,” she said. The symptoms that she experienced not only restricted her access to living her life but also made more problems, “Some of the usual problems I experienced were depersonalization, dizziness, heart-chest pain, eyes-vertigo, muscle spasms, tingles, and head rashes. I would be so moody after those symptoms because they were sudden” and she added “but I hated not feeling grounded, it felt like everything was fake, like nothing made sense, and my neurologist disclosed this was due to severe anxiety, which is true, and i knew its root was because I couldn’t make myself capable of talking about that pain, so I never had the support and affection to understand the shock that my health brought me, so I created more problems.” She explained, “I have endured pain in every part of my body, and I always say that I am strong because I wanted to quit but my body denied that, so I continued. I had breathing issues for almost a year, cough for almost a year, pain in my stomach, pain in my esophagus, back pain, knee pain, muscle pain, pain in my heart, earache, headache, eye pain, throat pain, basically all. Wherever you touch me, I have a story to tell.”
The issue was emotional rather than mental, she said. “While my logic and strength were working, my spirit was tired, which limited my access to the outside world, I noticed how emotional it was when I received affection, and how I would sleep like a baby when someone touched me and made me believe that I was strong” “It’s a shame we aren’t taught how to manage and express our emotions, I wasn’t able to express what was happening and I was traumatized by my own silence.”
According to her, she met with a lot of doctors and none were able to provide an answer to the problem. All blamed her anxiety without clarifying that there is a disorder associated with her emotional pain. ” I met with several doctors. I went to my cardiologist a lot, telling him something was wrong, and he told me one of my valves was fat, but that everything is fine and I shouldn’t carry excess weight, but it was all good. I met with pathologists who suggested it might be thyroid or anxiety. My anxiety left me in the ER 3 times, but it turns out I had an emotional episode and I couldn’t handle it. I saw a neurologist who actually listened to me, she told me it was mostly anxiety and that an MRI wasn’t needed since my physical tests were perfect, she had me take some blood tests, I had some vitamin deficiencies but we fixed those, but the pain still persisted, she told me to do yoga, pilates, and psychotherapy because my condition indicates that I am wounded in my spirit instead of my body.” I began accepting my fate after that.