At approximately 10:45pm, April 19th, Kennewick Police Department received reports of a woman shanked near the cross streets of 4th and Morain in Kennewick.
Reports stated the woman was shanked several times before being scooped into a cuddle for just a short time. The woman was reported to have had subsequently incurred injuries such as Notenoughcuddlesitis and Smoochlessness. Smoochlessness is developed when less than 50 smooches are received in a span of one day. The victim is currently recovering in hospital, awaiting specialized treatment.
To support the victim’s recovery, the Kennewick Police Department urges the community to reach out to THE locolazlo and request he go to see her because he is the only one that can administer the treatment required for recovery. ▓
Published by the Chulalo Times
Edited by Chiquis Knight