20 year old male, Private Kaleb Hilmanofski dishonorably discharged this Wednesday morning at 11:15 AM.
Last night (12:01 AM) Private Hilmanofski was at the bar having a abundance of drinks with his buddies. He claimed to have taken 17 shots of Hennessy before arriving to the bar, and then proceeded to have another 7 mixed drinks at the bar. He asked for another and the bar tender refused to serve him more alcohol due to him acting belligerently towards the town folk. Private Hilmanofski threw down his glass on the ground angrily, shattering the cup. Then, exclaimed to the bartender that he was gonna beat up the bartenders wife and have sex with her in-front of him and his children, After that remark, Police were called.
German police surrounded the bar at 12:53 AM. Private Hilmanofski, has taken the bartender hostage with a Glock17 due to being refused more alcohol. He proceeded to bang “Nightingale 2100 Block” on the German police, saying he’s from Southeast Stockton, and stated to the police,”Don’t f**k with me, I’m a professional UFC Fighter!”. After saying that, he let off several rounds from his Glock 17 while yelling,”Hitler was right about the jews!” The bullets spread. One hitting a officer in his chest, the other hitting a baby that was in a house across the street and the other bullet hitting a special needs kid in a wheelchair right in the forehead.
Private Hilmanofski then made his escape, shooting his hostage in the head. He left through the back of the bar, but surprisingly didn’t get very far due to witnesses saying, they seen him fall on his face while he was trying to run away. He then laid passed out, drunk in a puddle of blood on the ground, later getting thrown in German Solitary Confinement.
In conclusion, Private Hilmanofski is getting deported from Germany back to America where he resides in the highest security prison awaiting the death penalty. He told the judge,”F**k these n****s, they get no b****es, they got no motion.” We give our condolences to Germany and the victims in the shooting.
United States Army Solider Dishonorably Discharged
