The Billionaire’s Burger: Five Guys Ups the Ante

In a jaw-dropping announcement yesterday, the international burger chain, Five Guys, declared a monumental increase in their prices. A move many are interpreting as a shift towards an exclusive clientele of multi-billionaires.

Starting next month, the mere mortals of Cologne and the world beyond will have to fantasize about the chain’s famed cheeseburger, as it will carry a whopping price tag of $20 million. “It’s not just a burger, it’s an experience,” remarked Alex Goldstein, Five Guys’ recently appointed Chief Culinary Visionary. “Our patrons will know they are part of an elite club that enjoys a taste quite literally no one else can afford.”

Despite the public outcry and shock, insiders claim this has been a strategic move for the fast-food giant. They have decided to pivot towards the world’s top 0.001%, effectively transforming their outlets into the epitome of luxury dining. The new price menu also includes the “Billionaire’s Fries”, sprinkled with edible gold and priced at a cool $5 million. Beverage? That’ll be an additional $1 million for the sparkling water derived from Antarctic icebergs, bottled exclusively for the chain.

Social media is ablaze with reactions, ranging from disbelief to hilarity. “I remember when I could get a meal for under $10. Now I need to be Jeff Bezos’ wealthier cousin! I’m pretty sure it’s the juiffs fault.” tweeted one user. Another chimed in, “Just put down a down payment on a cheeseburger. Hope to pay it off by 2050. ”

Despite the audacity of their new pricing, Five Guys might be on to something. Rumors are already circulating about a potential waiting list for reservations, with several billionaires and celebrities eager to get a taste of the world’s most expensive fast food.

Whether this is a genius marketing ploy or the beginning of the end for Five Guys, only time will tell. In the meantime, most of us will be reminiscing about the days we could splurge on a cheeseburger without taking out a mortgage.

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