*Author’s note: A probation period between Nived and an anonymous writer is currently in effect. This WAS ghost-written.*
The hearts of Nived (Bitch) Santosh and George Lazarou were shattered when they found out they weren’t making the trip to California for DECA nationals. Their dedication to the Restaurant Management project seemed relentless, and many would think someone as large as Nived (reports say 2 tons) would excel in the restaurant sector, but no.
The president of DECA was big, black, and angry. Nived approached him and asked a question.
“Can I do anything to get into Nationals?”
“What?”
Nived waited no time. He got down and gave the sloppiest gloppiest top known to mankind.
“Im gonna-”
“Not yet Lil’ Da’quintin Douglas!”
“Im gonna-”
“Im ready Mr. Floyd!”
“Bussssssssssssss!!!!!!!!”
It was everywhere. Nived couldn’t see through it.
“So did I make nationals, Mr. Lamarcus Richard Dremonte Char’quez Brown?”
He still could not see, but he felt something down low.
“My turn.” Martin Luther King whispered.
Mr. X started going at it, and Nived stuck it so far down the monkey’s throat that he shouted, “I can’t breathe!”
Instinctively, Nived shot him.
Now there was no chance of making it to the National event. He knew there had to be another way to get to Disneyland. Then, he saw a poster on the ground that read:
“Looking for applications: Goofy, Disneyland, must be fat, ugly, and like kids!”
Nived saw the last part, erupted with nectar, and applied.
Now, it was April 27th, and Nived was flying to California. He was in the cargo, along with the pets in their cages. Nived, himself, was in a small dog cage. He was running on his hamster wheel, when he saw an advertisement on the TV.
“Apple releases world-class invention, I-Lube!” Nived instantly was hooked. He Doordashed the new invention to arrive right when he got off the plane.
A flight later, Nived got the lube. He was too nervous to try it out, but pocketed it, just in case.
He was now in character as Goofy and his job was to let kids sit on his lap so pictures could be taken. The first kid, a 6 year old lil black niglet named Janqueef Lil’ queef sat on his lap.
“What is that Mr. Goofy?”
“What is what?”
“That hard thing?”
“Hyuh, hyuh, I’m gonna cum!”
lil Queef got off his lap just in time. Nived managed to hold in his sweetness, until a little girl with down syndrome was next in line.
“Duh, dur – – Goofy I want picture.”
She was in a wheelchair, but got off and onto the lap of Mr. Goofy. This was all it took. Nived’s rock shot through the fabric of the of the costume, and he blasted white goodness straight into the sky, like a beacon of light.
“Mom, look what Goofy-”
“Shut up retard.” Nived winded up a right hook and sent the downer into orbit.
He was immediately fired, and he sadly made his way back to the hotel room.
There, George was patiently waiting. The two had been fighting lately, but he had a plan to win back his man’s heart. He had set up a warm bubble bath and had glasses of red wine out. He even superglued roses to the walls. Nived walked in and saw George sitting in his pink thong on the bed. Any anger or tension was immediately gone, and Nived pounced. He got the idea to use the I-Lube, and grabbed the container on the nightstand. He only had .5, so he let George take the lead. George stuck it right in and was ready to thrust in and out with ease, using the I-Lube. However, he was stuck. Little did he know, that Nived had accidentally grabbed the container of superglue that George had used for the roses.
“Daddy, what’s the issue?”
“It won’t come out.”
Nived then realized his crucial mistake. He had no idea what to do, and in a state of panic, he called his brother, Nalin.
“King, I got a dick up my ass!”
“Again?”
“Yes, but this time it’s stuck!”
Nalin rushed over with a crowbar and a snow bunny, and tried to pry George out of Nived. It was no use.
Analysts predict that Nived will spend the rest of his days with a cock up his hairy ass.
“I got no issue with it,” Nived told Channel 33.
“Lucky bastard,” Anjan reportedly chimed in.
Nived was also arrested on accounts of homicide, assault, rape, and molesting children, and he will spend years in federal prison, still taking George.
More to come.