A local aquakinetic cult known as “the Firefighters” were found dead after spraying local school with their aquakinesis. Tragically, many people suspect a cult suicide to be the cause of these poor souls’ deaths, though Professor William F Kennedy says otherwise, “Their bodies were burned, no doubt about it. But you have to remember, these firefighters are really dumb. They could have been playing with a lighter or matches. It’s shockingly easy to get a hold of matches so I think we should all really try to buy as many as possible. If a kid shows up at school with a match then the teachers need to defend themselves and the class with their own matches, right?” Surveys show that over 90% of the US public agree with Professor Kennedy, saying that we should be less careful about these things. On an unrelated note, my niece just died.