AP; May 18, 2022
Bentonville, Arkansas is considering changing their name to Bikenville. “This change has sparked controversy throughout the community as it appears to be equally divided between opposers and supporters”, remarked spearheader Richard Head. Richard said it’s only natural to change the name to Bikenville so we can continue to promote our liberal agenda to get as many sissies to move to Bentonville as we can.
“The laws are now in our favor. We no longer have to yield, stop or obey any types of rules on the books. Now that we have these massive 20-pound vehicles under us, we can do pretty much anything we want, whenever we want” says Head.
Among those that oppose this initiative is Areyou Kiddingme. Areyou commented that she wished all these sissies would move back to Kalifornia to be with like minded morons. “We don’t want that stuff here”, she said in an email. “We’d rather you just walk or jog. When you ride your bicycles in the middle of these curvy roads, you’re only helping promote road rage. Get a stationary bicycle like all the other sissies out there. Leave real exercise (running, jogging, etc) to real men. You really have no clue how stupid you look in those tight shorts and dork helmet, she says. But with men having babies and women growing beards these days, nothing surprises me anymore.”
Editor note: She’s actually right about one thing. We didn’t have a baby formula shortage until all these men started having babies.
Richard Head reiterated that if we can get this to go through, our full intention is to plow up all the streets and highways in Bikenville and replace them with bicycle trails. “What’s not to love about bicycling?, he said. We get to see all the other cute guys parading around in tights and in the evenings, well, we meet at the little place called Bentonville Dive to get better acquainted. You can spot Bentonville Dive easily by the rainbow flag out front. It used to be a manly barber shop.
“Changing the name of Bentonville is not a new concept”, says Kiddingme. “Many years ago the town council proposed changing the name to Waltonville, to honor Sam Walton, who founded Walmart and is rolling over in his grave today from all the nonsense the company he build is doing to the community and quite frankly, the world. He wouldn’t agree with much going on around here today if he were still alive. Basically every founding principle he based his business model on has completely dried up, as evidenced by the lack of workers everywhere”.
When asked what he’d say to naysayers, Richard Head replied “suck it up”. We’re going to accomplish our mission one way or the other.
Bentonville to consider name change
